My Experience With Insanity

I tried to remember the last time my mind wasn't disconnected from reality. Was I young? Has it only just happened? Maybe I've been this way since I was born. Sometimes it hurts to think about, until I am engulfed. My face is the only thing that is above water. I look at the stars, the clouds, leaves falling, and birds flying. Maybe the only reason reality looks tempting to me is because I only look straight up at it. I am too afraid to look in any other direction. I come to realize this within myself. So I close my eyes and let the rest of me sink.

Of course, when you first go insane it feels incredibly cold on your face. You can still feel some bubbles of reality slipping past your lips or floating out of your nose. But once it is all gone, all the air has been used, you panic. "Where am I working? Where is my car? Did I send that fax? OH GOD! Did I leave the STOVE ON?"

Then....you die; drowning in this other place that doesn't exist to the others tanning on the patio. Inverse stars, snow white trees, and nectar rain. It's all so beautiful. You wonder why anyone else would want to avoid it. Personally I find the fields of painted grass and origami flowers more appealing to fields of plowed dirt and shards of litter.

God, where am I? I'm just an amoeba floating in a pool of thought juice at the base of my spinal cord. Do I care? I don't think I do anymore. Sometimes....I don't even realize I'm typing into a computer. This is just how I think to myself. How I cry to myself.
I guess my thoughts are only just a small current in the pool. Sometimes the currents get scary. I just try to look at the other people in the pool with me. We are all standing in the water, like a pencil, face up and palms out; the same position we drown in. It's surprising that they are so hard to see. Denser than water, lighter than air, oppressive and free; the insanity is incredibly cloudy.

I think I'll just save this and see where the current takes me next.